The World Will Keep Spinning

Well, let's see. Today was a typical day I guess. I woke up for work feeling sick as hell but went anyway. My 11am class is canceled until after Thanksgiving because it's time to focus on finishing those annotations and study for our orals. So I told my boss that I could work during that hour until then, which is good for me cuz that's more money in the bank which I could use at the moment. I skipped my audit class in order to go find a cigar shop that sells cloves still and it took forever to find and when we did, they were out and their shipment doesn't come in until 6 so I'll have to go tomorrow which sucks cuz I wanted to get some as an apology present for M. It's the least I can do I guess. So that was the most awkward car ride with E that I've ever had, I mean, neither of us will really open up to each other about what's going on in life right now cuz neither of us trust each other at the moment. T on the other hand is still being a bitch about this whole thing, and I just don't get it. I have never done anything against her, never. You know, I haven't told anyone this, but for the first time in my life, the night that this all happened, I contemplated suicide because the one friendship I valued most here was taken from me. I guess Rome really does change people, I wonder if any of this would've happened if I had gone. I could've gone and at least I wouldn't have missed out on that chapter of her life and might be able to understand her better but I didn't go.
My roommate is making cookies right now. Sugar cookies. Yum.

this is the black and white: don't lose the truth

I'm 20 years old now, a junior at a small private college somewhere in the middle of Texas, far from home in California. I'm an English major who wants to possibly go into journalism, possibly be a tattoo artist and on the side, I want to write a book. Not sure what the book will be about yet, maybe about how much the friends you make in college can be such backstabbing bitches or how unfair it is that guys can sleep around and not be shunned for it or maybe your typical romance where the girl falls for a guy that doesn't deserve her and refuses to be with her and she just can't get him out of her head and doesn't know why she cares so much about him and of course they don't end up together in the end (or will they? I've got another year and a half left to figure that out). But right now I'm trying to focus on writing an annotated bibliography on Sylvia Plath, as a poet. And don't get me wrong, she's a wonderful poet and her writing is incredibly deep BUT I'm fucking sick of reading about her poetry, reading her poems and analyzing them. Why this is part of the requirements for being an English major makes no sense, some of us just aren't cut out to deal with poetry. But that's not the point of this blog. No, see, it came to me in my editing class as we were discussing how journalist should use blogs for news. It just hit me that with the events of last Friday, maybe I should keep track of my life in college and how much I regret so many things. This past Friday I was accused of the following things among others: that I'm a cold-hearted backstabbing lying bitch who throws herself at every guy she meets. The claims came out of no where, on a perfect good night, from three girls (two of which I did consider to be my closest friends here...apparently I was wrong) who couldn't really back their accusations. Yes, I had T's last season boytoy's phone number, he gave it to me and I thought it might be useful at some point but I've never used it. And yes, I claimed I wanted to f*** the grad student when I was first introduced to him, but that was before I started talking to him and got to know him. And yes, T, I do talk to him pretty much everyday about stuff as random as sex but it's because we're friends now and we like to talk. And sure, I've made out with my fair share of guys, all when I'm drunk, some who have stayed around and become close friends and others who don't matter and we never see again- that's college for you, I'm not the only one.
But it wasn't so much these accusations that hurt, it was the fact that T, who hates E and was always telling us to NEVER trust her, for some reason decided that now was the time to trust E against me, someone who was pretty much bffs with her; that's what hurt, that's what confuses me the most. Why do we do it? Why do we tell people to never trust someone and then trust them when they're making serious accusations against our friends?
And why is E being all friendly with me again after saying that this friendship was over between them 3 and me? Is it just me or does that not seem at all right? Or maybe I'm just missing something here, I mean T and M definitely won't talk to me period but E is just chatting away like normal.
So the purpose of this blog is:
1. to give me a place to vent
2. to give me a place to spill all the fucking secrets people keep telling me
3. to express my true self, so I don't lose myself being so fake around these people
and 4. so that when the time comes, I can say "hey, you want to know my thoughts? read this bitch, cuz you won't get more truth then words from the past"